My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
