I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
