I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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