Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
