Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
