Can i not drive my cunt home
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
