All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
