I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
