I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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