It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
