***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
