I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
