I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
