Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
