Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
