Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
