her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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