3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
