3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
