does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
