you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
