i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
