I wish i was in the wii world.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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