Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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