I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
