:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
