Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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