Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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