How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just high enough for therapy.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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