why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
