in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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