she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
false alarm. still invincible.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
