I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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