i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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