just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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