Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
