Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
