i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
