glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
