It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
