She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
