And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
