Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
