Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
