the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
