So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
