you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
