I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
