yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
