Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
