Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
