So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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