The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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