***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's Friday. Sex?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
